It’s after midnight. My husband and little ones are sleeping and I just finished cleaning the kitchen and started a load of laundry. After a quick shower, I sit and check things off today’s to do list. We visited the zoo, went to a homeschool materials display, purchased first grade curriculum for our oldest and finished with a photo shoot.

I’m a mother of two. After dinner and baths, I was left with very little energy, but it’s then when the inspiration to write strikes. Saying no to potential clients and friends has been a work in progress for years now and I’m glad to finally share it with you.

Read more: Is opening up a photography business the next step?

My photography journey began 7 years ago, shortly before I became a mother. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but knew I saw beauty that I wanted to document.

After photographing every flower and pretty landscape in my neighborhood, I longed to photograph people –families and children to be exact.

I obviously had no idea of what it took to run a successful business, but with the help of my husband’s research, I registered my business with the state and off I went trying to find clients.

Not knowing where to start, I placed an ad on Craigslist. Yes. I went there. My photography services were “too good” to be free, so my all-inclusive sessions were priced at $35 (including tax).

I’m laughing right with you, but hey… we all start somewhere and this was my somewhere.

I took a break after the birth of my first son and we then moved to another state. We quickly made friends and I started to offer free sessions to simply, “get out there” and of course, build a portfolio.

Fast forward to 5 years later, I am pregnant with my second child. By then, I had taken multiple online classes and taught myself with online tutorials and the occasional workshop. My business was well established, but pricing still too low and not quite breaking even.

I was invited to birthday parties and always asked to “bring my camera along.” When the holidays arrived, “friends” wondered how I was doing and sent me text messages or emails to check on me.

Eventually, conversations led to the request of me taking their family portraits for the annual holiday card, etc. Money was not even mentioned, of course.

I was pregnant and emotional and all of a sudden, it became clear to me. This had been going on for years. I was a people-pleaser from the very beginning and never said, “No.”

Because of this, people took advantage of me. It wasn’t their fault. I allowed it to happen and because of this, I became resentful and unhappy.

I wish I could give myself credit for this discovery, but the truth is that my husband was the one to point it out. He was 100% correct.

I spent my days working and taking care of my family while replying to emails/phone calls and my evenings were spent editing. Never catching up, I was tired most of the time and I realized this couldn’t go on.

So, I began to take small steps to change my ways and realized that saying no, wasn’t too bad after all. It felt good and liberating.

I started applying this to my business and decided to specialize in newborns and families with young children. None of the other stuff interested me and there was no point in pursuing it.

I started saying no to potential clients looking for sessions outside my specialty. It took me a full two years to get to where I am today.

When I began to say no, some of my “friends” continued to be there, others never talked to me again. Previous clients started finding other photographers to work with, but some valued my work and continued to book sessions despite the rise in prices.

Because I started booking fewer sessions, my work load decreased and I was able to pay closer attention to detail and perfecting my images on camera. Editing time also became less and I was able to spend more time with my family.

Well rested and refreshed, I saw the worth of my work. More importantly, I realized I was missing moments with my children I’d never get back… and that, friends, was sad.

You can’t pay me enough to do that now. I want to be there and so I make the sacrifice it takes.

“There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” I learned in Economics class one day. There are hundreds of photographers in my area –all trying their best to make it in this market.

I focus on giving my clients a great experience from the first contact to the moment they view their edited image galleries in a timely manner –usually less than 2 weeks.

I make each session as enjoyable as their children (and husbands –ha!) allow and most moms are always satisfied with the outcome. I choose only the very best images to deliver and they are all professionally edited.

My goal is to always help my clients and their loved ones look their best. Sometimes, this requires more retouching than other times. I do what it takes. Still, all is done in a natural way and they would never know I did it in the first place –that is my goal as a professional.

This is not for everyone. To me, this type of service is a luxury. Clients can choose who they want to work with and how much they want to pay. The price of my work is no longer negotiable and neither is dinner at a fancy restaurant or a designer purse.

If you find yourself unhappy, always working and never quite growing in your photography journey, it’s time you make some changes. I could go on and on about where you should start and why, but it’s important you examine your circumstances and make a plan yourself.

The one thing I want you to get out of this is: you must value yourself. No matter what stage of the journey you are in, you must learn to value your time, your talent and those you love.

If you’re not ready to charge for your services, take time to study and practice with your children or close family members. Don’t work for free! There are many pricing strategies for photographers out there. Find one and stick to it!

Remember that every time you say, “yes” to one thing, you are saying, “no” to another.

In my situation, I was saying yes to all my “Holiday/birthday friends/low priced sessions” and saying no to time with my family.

I had to book many sessions to break even at such low/discounted session fees and was afraid to raise my prices. I worried so much about what others would say that I forgot about what really mattered.

There is a Dr. Seuss quote that says, “Say what you want and be who you are because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” and it is SO true. If you are doing anything right now that is making you tired and miserable, stop. Take a break and think about your priorities.

In my situation, I prayed and asked God for help. He knew what my heart’s desire was and gave me the wisdom I needed to make the changes I did. Do what YOU have to do. If you can’t value yourself, value your family and your loved ones. Go back to where you started and do what makes your heart sing, what helps you to grow and inspires you on your photography journey.